It Was An American Tradition

We were on the ferry. I was putting my money in a machine to buy some peanuts. I was looking in the direction of my friend. A male voice came over the ferry's broadcasting system - an excitable, enthusiastic voice. "Oh!" I exclaimed, 'his voice is so enthusiastic it just makes me want to eat peanuts!" I said this quite loudly. My pronunciation was somewhat limited by a very recent swallow of Coca Cola and the word "peanuts" came out sounding like the word "penis". Everybody looked. I froze, then started laughing. Then I kept on laughing. Then I could barely hold myself upright I was laughing so hard. You know how it gets, you double over, and hold yourself in the middle and sashay back and forth. I made it back to my seat. My friend looked away, out the window.

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"I don't think I know everything I know about that."
- nine o'clock patient
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"That's the nicest worst thing anybody has ever said to me."
- customer sitting behind me at The Streamliner Diner

.....and, from the contest wherein English teachers submit Best Metaphors:
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"She had a deep, throaty, genuine laugh, like that sound a dog makes just before it throws up." ...................

"He spoke with the wisdom that can only come from experience, like a guy who went blind because he looked at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it and now goes around the country speaking at high schools about the dangers of looking at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it."
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"His thoughts tumbled in his head, making and breaking alliances like underpants in a dryer without Cling Free."
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"It was an American tradition, like fathers chasing kids around with power tools."
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"The young firefighter had a hungry look, the kind you get from not eating for a while." ......................

"Shots rang out, as shots are wont to do."

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In December, at The Pub: "Don't you just want to slap Opra each time she loses weight? Like, 'You're supposed to be fat, so STAY fat!"
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MOST MEMORABLY HYSTERICAL LAST WORDS About HOPE AND TIME SPOKEN IN A MOVIE

"Oh, I can't think about that now! I'll just go crazy if I do! I'll think abou tit tomorrow. Tara, home. I'll go home and I'll think of some way to get him back! After all, tomorrow IS another day!"
- Scarlett O'Hara