"Why do women have so much power over me? I am so pissed that I was raised as a liberal male with role models like Allen Alda and Garrison Keiler. God. What can you do with models like those? Dribble and walk away? Walk away and dribble? Don't you get tired of hearing this crap? I get tired of saying this crap. Listen, I know part of the problem is simply that I wasn't given the correct mating strategy. In agricultural societies it was like, "Ok, you know the deal", but in our society it's just death. Whenever I meet a woman I treat her like an equal and then when that doesn't work I treat her like she's superior. If you're going to date a feminist you've got to learn how to give things up. Ok, thanks, I'm not going to kill myself today, I'm going to lie down in the street and apologize and go way past dribbling. I'm going to drool."
"I keep getting these good-but-no-cigar responses from girls. This time I took my new dance partner up on her lukewarm response and asked if she had any suggestions as to where I might improve my dance moves. Know what she said? "On the dance floor," is what she said. I think I need something going for me that nobody else has, like personal background music. Maybe it's my big flat Karl Malden nose. Maybe it's my weight. But the right background music could definitely let women know I'm safe and, when the right time comes, maybe even sexy. Or maybe I need a backdrop, something that anchors me to some great place like Mazatlan. I dunno. A guy's gotta either be Arthur Murry or own Hollywood."
"I'm just like any other teenager," a seventeen year old girl I"ll call Miranda said during a preliminary phone call. "We're all pretty much the same except for the major differences and no, I do NOT mean men. I don't care about men. My actual experience with men is nil. Once my Dad walked in front of my bedroom door from the bathroom and he was naked and I saw it and wished I hadn't, but now it's there for life, I know it is. I mean THERE, inside my head. I don't know how my mother stands it. Because it's gotta be inside HER head, too."
"When I grow up I"m going to find a wife who I can love like a bear."
- seven year old patient
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